Laura Vincent Deserves A Nice Juicy Steak

Some poor woman called Laura Vincent has gone to the hell that is tasting "fake meat" for us.

Unlike a woman's tits you cannot fake meat

I cannot think of anything more ghastly than being force fed fake meat.  Some real meat is bad enough.  If I am going to put calories into my body these days then I am not going to waste it with anything that is not delicious.

There are predictions that this will be all that people will eat in 50 years time. It is another reason that I am opposed to extending ones life beyond an average span.

The sorts of people who think "fake meat" is great are against genetic modification for everything else.  Dutifully forgetting that they are shoving half a lab down their throats when tasting this muck.  They seems to want to reproduce the smell, taste and texture of meat when many say they dislike all those qualities of meat.

My decision to go meat-free was initially fuelled by anxiety at environmental crises springing up whack-a-mole style, and wanting to lessen my impact in some way.

Oh dear, Laura was brainwashed into thinking this rubbish is good for the environment.  Yes, we could stop eating animals but what on earth is the point of them?  The attractive interesting animals are already in a zoo.  The tame ones like dogs, birds and cats we keep as pets in the house. The millions of cows, sheep, ducks and deer are not going to bring in the punters are they? They are on this earth for humans to EAT.  

Laura takes us through some exciting inventions of the lab called "Wu Chung Vegetarian Mock Duck".  Now I wouldn't eat something called Wu Chung Duck, let alone Vegetarian and Mock marketing attached!  It has mock duck skin.  My stomach just churned.  

"Gardein Golden Fishless Filets", she thinks these are expensive at $12 for six small pieces.  Have ya bought prawns lately?!!  "Whole Perfect Food Lamb Kebabs", yeah well they are not Lamb are they? How could you tell anyway as they are prominently labelled in Chinese.  Considering what the Chinese throw into stews I doubt you could tell the difference anyway. "Vegie Delights Hot Dogs" are not only a tragic example of the bastardisation of the English language but considering regular hot dogs are never packed with anything but processed cardboard I doubt again  you could tell the difference.

Laura does however understand the ridiculousness of calling "Sunfed Chicken Free Chicken Wild Meaty Chunks" by its name. "It’s worth noting that it tends to fall apart once cooked". Really? I just assumed it all does. Pea protein?  Just because it says protein does not mean it is healthy. "Whole Perfect Foods Vegetarian Sauteed Chicken" again littered with Chinese labels it even looks like tofu.  She adds garlic and spring onions, enough to again hide the flavour of a laboratory. "Bean Supreme Hemp Burgers" which screams "look at me I am cool I am eating hemp". Only you are not, you are eating hemp. It is just weird.
This isn’t the kind of hemp that will get you high, although in this economy you could always tell yourself it does, and hope that the placebo effect kicks in.
Say what?

"Everbest Veg Drumsticks" again not for the English speaking market.  Again, for a market that does not know what real meat tastes like anyway after decades of mass poverty and Communism has prevented them from getting a taste for tomahawk, eye fillet steak and chicken fillet breasts. "Plant Powered Meals (M)eaty Italian (M)eatballs" again is for a dish where real meat is usually not used. "Bean Supreme Beetroot Burgers", of dear how many of you opt in on the beetroot option for any dish?
With black beans, buckwheat, quinoa, and the titular beetroot, these are like little compressed discs of superfood. 
Superfoods do not exist people.  

There is NO such thing as a superfood.  Some marketing genius relabelled things we don't normally consume on their own into a collective label to give them more credibility with the public than they deserve.  As they did with the Olympics.

New Zealanders should not be supporting this industry, we grow the best animals in the world for eating.  It does not ruin the environment anymore than anything else thanks to our efficient farming methods, it does not steal Greta Thunberg's dreams.  Meat does not make you fat, eating excessive calories  from anything and not getting enough exercise does that.  Laura doesn't mention the calorie counts here but this frozen processed garbage will no doubt shock and awe in those numbers.

Laura Vincent has had a fair go at reviewing this rubbish. None of it convinces me from my position that there is no "I" in meat but if you look closely you will find the words me and eat.  That should be good enough to convince tree huggers and hippies that they should be switching back to natural.


  1. If god didn't want us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them meat flavoured!


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